White Noise

Clanging and clashing cymbals...in a song, they can add great emphasis, and make a poignant point.....but if you don't know how to use them...or even when...they can simply bring forth noise.

I don't want to make noise anymore. I want to create a symphony....the only way to do that is to love me LESS.

To make it LESS about how my kids, my husband, my friends love me...and make it more about how much I love HIM.

if I do it in that order...beginning with HIS unconditional love for me...and my love for HIM right back...it actually develops a beautiful song...one that creates the notes that eventually become a true masterpiece contained within those relationships.....wife, mother and friend.

if I can put my focus on HIM, the only One that matters...it brings all other connections to LIFE...real LIFE.

That focus...takes my mortal 2 dimensional love into the 3 dimensional landscape it was always meant to portray. It takes the black and white picture of life and splashes it with vivid colors...

don't get me wrong...it is a vicious struggle between spirit and flesh....

I can justify all day long, telling myself that "if only" circumstances would change, and I were to be treated right...if ONLY I was loved right by this person or that...how much grander life could be....

but that's only surface level. So long as I sit here and allow the circumstances of life and things of this realm to affect my FOCUS on HIM...this world will always be in my way.

I'm human...and I fail. Those that surround me are human...and they fail too. Disappointment will always schedule its way into our failed existence.

but GOD...and the reality is....but CHOICE...my choice to focus on HIM....and make it less about me.

I'm tired of clanging and clashing...I'm tired of white noise...I want to hear the music that HE sings over me...and then I sing back to HIM.

It's the only way that works.