Sucker Punch

Have you ever been sucker punched? It's when someone comes up to you and out of NOWHERE..hits you, smack dab in the face.

I feel like I just had that happen. Something that my husband and I planned on, worked for, and made extensive efforts towards...just fell apart. I won't get into the details, but I am quite sad. If I'm honest, I have cried repeatedly.

I am trying to figure it out. Why didn't it go through, what did we do wrong, what could we have done differently? The ultimate question...why God? I sit and I ruminate about it all, to the point of a healthy headache...and finally something in me says "stop".

Somewhere, some how, I have to come to the decision that it isn't FOR me to know. I have to "flip the faith switch" and let it go. I have to rely upon the promises that God has made abundantly clear to me....
1.He's crazy in love with me...
2.He wants what is best for me...
3.His plan is bigger than I can imagine...
4.His ways are higher than what I can see and understand at this point...
5.He will take what looks bad and turn it into something good...
6.He's crazy in love with me...

That last point(and actually the first as well)are hard for me to take in. If He loves me, why do things keep failing in front of my eyes. If He loves me, why does He allow all these trials to pile up on my plate?

Flippin' the faith switch again...

I need to let God be God. I need to realize that I can't earn the blessing. He will bring the breakthrough in His way. I need to rest in His arms like my newborn son rests in mine. I might cry it out, but His arms are there embracing me. I might not see it, but I can walk by FAITH, not by sight. I choose to rest. I choose Him over the "how", the "why" and the "when".

I choose Him.

Wielding Steel

I remember growing up...wanting badly to be bigger like my sister and brothers...

My older brother Keith(11 years my senior), my sister Corrine(10 years older), and my brother Imrich(preceding me by 4 years), all were the coolest cats in our small town of North Judson. On good days they would let me play with them, and on great days, with their friends. We had fun playing war and multiple games that helped to construct the future tomboy I was meant to be. One game that Imrich and I enjoyed encompassed swords...normally long sticks from our friendly trees. I couldn't quite beat him, but I always gave him a run for his money. I pretended that I held a mighty sword, not much different than the one found in the classic Disney movie "Sword in the Stone". Every clack of wood, was a shining chink of metal in my ears....I was one BAD Samurai.

Suffice to say that my love for swordplay began at an early age.

Strange to think that now, my version of fighting has changed. It can relate to marriage(and I have had my fair share in that arena)parenting.....working. You name it, I have fought for and through it. Just living is enough to bring on the battle. I fight long and hard for what I believe in. I slice and dice my foes as quickly as possible. Instead of a burly brother, I now face fear, insecurity, anger, and numerous other things that the enemy of my heart brings on.

When my sword is dull, I lose. Sharp and ready, I win. It's as easy as that....I long to Wield Steel that defeats.

For those of you that know me, you know I am talking about the Word of God. Here is what I know to be truth:
Hebrews 4:12
"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." This is why I named this blog Wielding Steel, this is what I want. To be better, fight harder, last longer in the battle of life, and one day, stand with my hands held high, arms open wide in victory. One day.....until then, I will walk it out right here. I LOVE transparency, I think it is the key to true relationship, and to true growth. I hope that being real will help to bring about true clarity in my own life, and maybe yours too :)

The wonderful world of blogging.....

So here I sit, trying to figure out the world of blogging. With five kiddos at home, I long for a forum where I can speak with other adults. I thought this might be a way for me to collect my thoughts, emotions, and life experiences....with a little humor thrown in for good measure. So here goes....wish me luck ;) In my next post, I will explain my name choice for this blog.....