To understand me...is to understand comic books. Does that sound funny? Not to someone that waited..with baited breath, to get their next comic book. Every Sunday afternoon....with mom and Imrich, from Hook's drugstore, downtown North Judson, IN.

One of my heroes is unlikely.....Phoenix. She was Jean Grey at her worst...hideous and fierce, with powers unmatched. I wanted to BE her, I think b/c she was unstoppable, unflappable, she was out of control, but in control of everyone around her. I sometimes resembled her...my fierce anger, temper, out of control behavior. I flirted with her as my "alter ego". That side of me that was rebellious in nature.

Yet...I wanted to be so different. I didn't want to cling to something or someone so...mean. So...out of touch with her surroundings.

I didn't know how to do that though...until tonight.

As I was running, I was thinking about "Phoenix" and how I had always fallen back on my anger. My frustrations were allowed to mold me more than I wanted them to. I started to think maybe..I was looking at the wrong Phoenix. Maybe, just maybe I was the bird.

If I could allow my anger to go up in flames...it might burn out all that was wrong in the first place...help me to start out in ashes...rather than always hanging onto the smoldering kindling. If I could stop rolling around in the ash, breathing in the toxins...but RISE UP...maybe, just maybe I would be a peaceful bird.

I wouldn't have to be in control. I wouldn't have to be angry. I could just be...made new. I like that. I like this feeling. It hurts for the moment...but I'm looking forward to "rising up out of the ash..." I am going to look forward to my new wings......