Missing Them Already

This has always been a place of transparency and I'm not going to change that now...many people don't realize that I have felt the "sting" of being a single parent. When I go to speaking engagements and share my life story, I explain in full detail how that came to be.

I don't visit those emotions, as God has healed me of them, but I can feel the enemy knocking on my door, trying to drop off a delivery of that same fear and ache. In hours my husband and oldest son will be leaving to go on their first missions trip! Exciting?...you have NO idea!! Daunting?...I am finding out my answer would be yes...

I know that the single parenting from my past, will look NOTHING like my single parenting for the next 11 days. Then, I had one child, now I will have the remaining four to take care of... do I have what it takes? Can I handle this?

Simply: No

Those that know me, know the strong woman that God has made me into. They also know that I have wrestled with the fact that I am NOT strong enough on my own...I can't do it, I don't have what it takes, and honestly, I don't want to.

God has shown me that truly, in my weakness,  He power presses the weight of my own insecurities and doubts. That's exaclty where he pummels my fears and squeezes my aches to death. He moves and He flows through me, and allows me to smile when I think about this distance and time...

I might miss them already, but I will NOT miss out on the golden moments He is bringing my way :)

Challenge

I am beyond challenged...and now I am trying to figure out what to do with the gauntlet that was thrown down...
When I am faced with thinking I am right, and then being told that I am wrong...there has to be some "looking inward" that takes place. Am I leading the way I should? Are my actions held to a higher level..or have I fallen into the ditches of justification?

In my case, that's exactly when I start to look up...

Here is what matters, REALLY matters in life...am I doing what is right in the sight of God? Am I making Him happy by what I do? It's all pointless if I cannot say yes to these questions..

I think the process of finding out the answer is the hardest part. I will though, and I will move forward with Him by my side...